Ned's Wonderful Life
by Pop the day
Summary: Twas the night before Christmas and when bad goes to worse, Ned begins to believe that the world would be a better place if he had never been born. So you can probably guess exactly what this story is based on.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I doubt many of you remember me but three years ago I was a writer on this section of doing my part to make sure Ned didn't go anyway anytime soon. I disappeared about two years ago leaving a **_**Twilight **_**parody where Moze would have suspected Ned of being a vampire unfinished. Guess what? I'm not finishing it. But one of the works I stand by more was a Christmas story where Cookie got roped into directing an outlandish holiday pageant while Ned and Moze were stuck in a "Gift of the Magi" story. Now three years later, we return to Christmas in the small suburb Ned, Moze and Cookie call home. They are now seniors in high school and hopefully a little bit wiser… after all this is pretty much a by-the-numbers parody of one of my favorite Christmas movies, though judging by the title, you've probably figured out which movie it is… but hey! It was either this or **_**A Christmas Carol**_**, I think Ned works better in this story.**

Christmas Eve is a very much a festive time of the year on the Bay Area of California. There is seldom any snow despite a surprise snowfall on Christmas Eve 2007. In Lincolnberry, a small suburb just outside of San Francisco… described by its citizens as "A little town where everybody knows everything about everybody," the holidays are a highlight of the year for most. It has a strong school district: consisting of Millard Fillmore Elementary School, James K. Polk Middle School and Michael Dukakis High School as well as Pacific Coast Academy, a boarding school right on the edge of town and most have lived their whole lives. Just ask Charlie Mosely, the school district's social studies chairman and lifelong citizen of Lincolnberry, he could you a whole history of the town. But on this Christmas Eve, something seemed to go wrong and most seem to be in their houses praying that God right a wrong.

"Please God," a girl about 17 named Jennifer Mosely whispered nearly in tears on her bedside, "please help Ned tonight. He never deserved this. Surely things can get better than this." After finishing her prayer, she clutched her beloved Puppybear and looked out the window in her bedroom hoping some good news would come.

Next door, this Ned fellow's cousin Quinn Pensky, who had attended Pacific Coast Academy but transferred to Dukakis her sophomore year to be closer with her extended family while still in California, had a similar prayer. "Please help Ned tonight. He's always been my favorite cousin. He's a good kid… wouldn't do anything to anybody."

Around the neighborhood, his friend Simon Nelson-Cookie had the same prayer, as did his close high school buddy Javier Abrams and his ex-girlfriend Suzie Crabgrass and the school district head custodian Gordy and even his middle school science teacher Mr. Sweeney, who Ned had seen only infrequently since leaving middle school. Everybody seemed to be praying for this Ned Bigby guy. High, high up in the heavens, The Boss seemed to hear all these prayers and buzzed for his secretary.

"Hey boss, what's up?" the secretary asked.

"Can you send me Ned Bigby's guardian angel, please?"

"Right away, I'll get him right to you." The secretary said.

Without missing a beat, a slightly ungainly man who looked and sounded a lot like that late great movie star Jimmy Stewart came into The Boss' office.

"Boss! You called for me?" the man asked.

"Yes I did, Stewart. We have someone down on Earth who needs your help."

"You mean Ned Bigby?" Stewart asked.

"Yes, Ned is in trouble tonight."

"What's there to worry about? Ned's a good kid; he always does the right thing. I mean, you only have to keep one eye on him. Why else do you I spend half my days just watching Mel Blanc and Jim Henson do their character voices in the comedy club up here?"

"Ohhhh… tonight is different, Stewart, at 10:47 tonight he will consider taking his own life."

"That means I only have one hour! I'd better get my suit…"

"No. You will spend that hour getting acquainted with Ned Bigby."

Stewart sat down. "Say, Boss… if when I get down there and I save Ned from oblivion, will I -?"

"Yes, Stewart. If you help Ned tonight you will get your wings."

Stewart jumped with delight and prepared to look through Ned's life.


	2. Chapter 2

Stewart sat down in the Boss's special guest chair and prepared to get ready to view Ned's life… only for nothing to happen.

"Wha?" Stewart said out loud. "Didn't you used to have a TV channel completely devoted to showing the past?"

"Not anymore," The Boss said walking over to a mantle in his office to grab a set of car keys, "I didn't want to pay the cable bill anymore so I upgraded to something a bit reliable." The boss pressed a button on the set of keys and a steel garage door in his office opened and a DeLorean DMC-12 car slowly came out. Stewart was slightly taken a back.

"What's with the car?" Stewart asked.

"It's a DeLorean; these babies were produced in the early 1980's and were quite popular at the time. So I decided as soon as they went back on the market, why not make one into a time machine?" The Boss explained.

"Does that mean this thing will take us right to the past?"

"That is correct! So hop in, we haven't got much time!" The Boss said.

"But if you have a time machine, that means we do have time."

"Oh, you know what I mean!"

The two hopped in the DeLorean, the Boss at the wheel and they speeded off.

"Our first destination is December 15, 1998. Hold on tight." The Boss announced.

"Why?" Stewart asked. "And why are you driving so fast?"

"Because to get to our destination we have to accelerate to 88 miles-per-hour."

"Isn't there a movie about this?"

"I don't know, Stewart! I'm The Boss! Do you think I have time to go see mo—"

The car finally hit 88MPH and arrived in its destination: the parking lot of Millard Fillmore Elementary School on December 15, 1988 at 12:55pm.

"Here we are," The Boss announced. "Millard Fillmore Elementary School on December 15, 1998."

"Why are we here?" Stewart asked.

"Because it's here that you'll see the first generous move Ned Bigby has done for others. Come on, we have to get inside… snack time is almost over."

Stewart and The Boss walked into the elementary school, through the hallways and sat outside Mrs. Callidar's kindergarten class. The Boss pointed out a short mop-headed boy drinking a lot of grape juice.

"You see that little boy right there drinking grape juice?" The Boss asked Stewart.

"Yes." Stewart responded.

"That's Ned Bigby. Age 5. It is here that Ned comes up with his first generous act. I'll just let it unfold on its own."

In Mrs. Callidar's class, snack time was just about finished when five-year old Ned finished his fourth consecutive cup of grape juice. He felt the sudden urge to have to use the bathroom as a result of all the grape juice he had drunken but just as he was going to the teacher to ask if he could use the bathroom, she announced that it was story time.

Ned figured he could hold it in until just before Mrs. Callidar started reading the story. Who was he to think that the book Mrs. Callidar was going to read to the class was Horton Hatches the Egg by Dr. Seuss, one of his all-time favorite books. He ended up having to hold it for a good 17 minutes, which for a five year old feels like an eternity. As soon as Mrs. Callidar finished reading the book, Ned instantly raised his hand.

"Yes, Ned?" Mrs. Callidar asked.

"Mrs. Callidar, can I use the bathroom?"

"Sure."

Without a second glance, Ned was out of there. The bathrooms was just two doors from Mrs. Callidar, by now, Ned understood that the men's room is what he was looking for but he was so desperate to use the bathroom, he ran into the girl's bathroom without even realizing. He ran into a stall and was finally relieved to have used the bathroom. But when he walked out of the stall he saw someone he had never seen before at the sink: a girl with a bright pink _Rugrats _shirt on and her hair in pigtails who seemed to be about Ned's age. She turned around and jumped when she saw Ned.

"You're a boy!" the girl said. "What are you doing in the girl's bathroom?"

"I thought this was the boy's room." Ned responded.

"You thought this was the boy's room?" She began to giggle.

"Hey, it's not funny. I really had to go!"

"OK, I'm sorry. I'll walk you back to your class."

"Hey, thanks."

Ned and the girl walked out of the girl's bathroom together, a five-year old Billy Loomer noticed him and laughed.

"Hah, hah! He uses the girl's room!" He yelled out.

"Don't listen to him, he's in my class. He's a big bully."

The two of them got back to Mrs. Callidar's room and Ned walked back in, but not before asking the girl her name as she was walking back to her class.

"My name is Suzie." She said.

"What you just witnessed," The Boss began to tell Stewart, "is the first encounter between Ned and a girl he will try to pursue for eight long years."

"How is that his first generous move?" Stewart asked.

"Just watch."

Ned walked back into the classroom embarrassed over what had happened. He sat at a table with little Moze, still going by Jennifer at this point, and confided in her about what happened.

"What took you so long to come back from the bathroom?" the little brown-eyed five year old asked Ned.

"I really don't want to say…" Ned told her.

"You can tell me, we're best friends, remember?"

"Okay, well, I went into the girl's bathroom." He whispered.

"But you're a boy!" Moze said cracking up a little bit.

"It's not funny, Jennifer." He said getting a little defensive.

"I'm sorry." She said back.

Ned thought for a second, there had to be something he could do. He realized what he could do soon after, he took out a notebook his parents bought him when they went back-to-school shopping just in case he needed an extra and wrote down two things in his sloppy, five-year old handwriting:  
_**- Never go into the girl's bathroom if you are a boy.  
- Don't drink a lot of grape juice at snack time.**_

Moze happened to notice Ned writing the stuff down out of the corner of her eye.

"Wow! That's a good tip!" she said. "You should show that to everybody in the class, Ned."

Later on that day, Ned showed everyone in his kindergarten class the notebook with only a handful of tips were added to that book that day, as Ned and others came up with impromptu advice for themselves. Stewart and The Boss looked on as the book got bigger.

"You see, with that one gesture, Ned created what they call now a school survival guide. That guide got them through so many troubles over the past 12 years. Come on," he began to walk back to the parking lot where the DeLorean was still, "I need to take you to Ned's next generous act. Exactly one year later! December 13, 1999!"

"It's the 15th of December right now." Stewart piped in.

"Okay, so it's 363 days from now. No matter! We're still in the past."

"Whatever you say."

The Boss and Stewart jumped back into the DeLorean and went to December 13, 1999. They were back in the parking lot of Millard Fillmore Elementary School.

"OK, Stewart, this time we're going to a different end of the hallway. Just come with me." Stewart followed The Boss to Mrs. Sanders' 1st grade class where Ned was once again starting his day. Stewart and The Boss came just as his class was saying the Pledge of Allegiance.

"… indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." The class said standing up and attempting to say the Pledge with their all.

"Very good, class!" Mrs. Sanders told them. "Now to start off today…"

"Excuse me, Charlotte." Principal Norris came into the classroom with a young African-American boy with glasses and an awkward demeanor, for a six-year old at least, by his side. "This is Simon, he's a new student who is starting his first day today and he's in your class."

"Oh, that's right." Mrs. Sanders bent down and introduced herself to Simon. "Hi, you must be Simon Nelson-Cook. I'm Mrs. Sanders and I'm going to be your teacher this year."

Simon was very nervous and only politely waved to his new teacher. Mrs. Sanders told Principal Norris he could go back to his office and she called for attention to the class.

"Class," she began, "we have a new student joining our class today. His name is Simon Nelson-Cook and I hope you all make him feel welcome." Simon nervously was directed to a table next to Ned. Ned could tell he was very nervous and tried to make him feel welcome."

"Hi! I'm Ned!" he said. Simon wouldn't respond.

"What's your favorite game?" he asked. Simon still wouldn't respond.

"Why are you so quiet?" Ned asked again. Simon again wouldn't say a word.

"Class! We're going to do some math right now." Mrs. Sanders said as she handed out worksheets with adding and subtracting, basic first grade math. Simon completely finished in within a minute. Ned looked over at Simon's paper and was impressed.

"Wow! How did you do that?" Ned asked.

"Oh, it's easy for me. My parents say I'm a prodigy… whatever that means."

"That's cool! Hey, do you want to come over to my house tomorrow after school?" Ned asked him.

"Well, I don't think I can but you can come over to my house." Simon said.

"Great!"

The next day, Ned went over to Simon's house. However, somehow Ned enjoyed Simon's company but wasn't really having fun. They tried to have fun but Simon's knowledge really got in the way. Being a child prodigy, Simon never really got the chance to play with other kids and mostly got consumed in his learning; he didn't know how to really have fun like other kids his age.

A few days later, Ned invited Simon over to his house this time. Immediately, Simon began to discover what he was missing a lot of in his life thanks to Ned. Now he could play with all the kids in class just as normally as any other boy or girl. All of the other first-graders in Mrs. Sanders' class weren't as willing to play with Simon due to his awkwardness, but Ned showed him kindness and was his first friend. Stewart and The Boss observed from a far.

"And if you can believe it," the Boss began, "Ned and Simon are still close friends 11 years later."

"Isn't that just sweet?" Stewart asked.

"Yes, it is. Of course, nowadays, Simon goes by the nickname Cookie and he's still a prodigy, stuff like that just doesn't go away. But without Ned, he probably would have remained the inept, socially-awkward boy he was when he first came to Lincolnberry." The Boss walked away from the elementary school hallway, patting Stewart on the shoulder. "Come, we still have much to see."

As they were walking away, Stewart began to talk as they got into the DeLorean.

"I don't understand it." Stewart began, "How could a nice kid like Ned have a depression now, what could happen to him that's stopping him from being a helpful guy?"

"You'll see momentarily, first we have to make one more stop to make. We're jumping 7 years into the future, December 2006." The Boss announced.

"Don't you think your jumping ahead a little too much?" Stewart asked.

"Hey, if we want to get this fan fiction done by Christmas we have to glance over some things." The Boss said. "Besides, I brought you a photo album to fill you in on what we're skipping."

"Let me take a look at thing…" Stewart said to himself. Just as he opened the book, they arrived at their destination: James K. Polk Middle School.

"Here we are, James K. Polk Middle School." The Boss told Stewart.

"Aw, but I was just getting started on the photo album."

"Worry about it later. You need to see this."

The Boss and Stewart walked into the school to see festive and smiling students enjoying their last day of class before Christmas vacation.

"So where's Ned?" Stewart asked.

"He and Cookie should be coming right through this hallway right about now." The Boss said and wouldn't you know it, down the hallway came Ned and Cookie donned in Dickensian garb carrying books of Christmas carols singing their hearts out.

"Here we come a-wassailing among the leaves so green…" they sang out loud. Cookie suddenly paused and stopped Ned in his tracks.

"Wait," Cookie began, "is it **wa-cel-ing** or **wa-sail-ing**?"

"I don't know, actually." Ned responded. "Wa-cel-ing sounds a lot easier to say within the song but it could go either way."

The two continued to debate the pronunciation of the word until Vice Principal Crubbs broke them up and sent them to class.

After class, Ned and Cookie around the hallways with holiday messages of all kinds. Be it, a "Merry Christmas" or a "Happy Hanukah," these two were like Lincolnberry's own Bert and Ernie, Abbott and Costello, Laurel and Hardy, Rocky and Bullwinkle, two best buddies who lived solely for leaving people with a smile on their face. When they got to the school janitor Gordy, however, he seemed a bit uncharacteristically melancholy. As they wished him a Merry Christmas, he simply shrugged his shoulders and walked away. Ned and Cookie caught up with him fast, though.

"Hey, Gordy, what's wrong?" Ned asked.

"Eh, my folks just called from Minnesota, they can't come here for Christmas like I had hoped… and I don't think I can make it there either."

"Does that mean you're spending Christmas alone?" Cookie asked.

"It seems like it guys. Well, have a Merry Christmas; I'll see you next year." Gordy went on his way.

As the gang sat down for lunch, Ned began to talk to Moze and Cookie about Gordy's situation.

"I feel horrible for Gordy." Ned said.

"Why? Is he okay?" Moze asked.

"Nobody deserves to spend Christmas alone."

"There must be something we can do." Cookie said.

"What can you do?" Moze asked, unsure where they were heading with the conversation.

Ned snapped his fingers. "I've got it!" he said out loud. "And I'll need you guys to help me out. In fact, not just you guys, we need a lot of people."

Sometime later, just as Gordy was heading back to his apartment, he received a text message from Ned that said "Gordy – come to Polk gym at 6PM tomorrow night." So Gordy did just that. He walked into the dark gym, wondering why the front doors were unlocked and even the more confused why Ned would want him to come to the school on his own time.

"Hello?" Gordy said in the darkened gym. "Is anybody here?" He turned on the lights to be greeted by an ensemble of Polk students and teachers, as well as the Bigby family.

"Merry Christmas, Gordy!" they all shouted in unison.

Gordy was taken aback by this. "What the - ? What is this?"

"We figured that since you were alone for Christmas," Mr. Sweeney began.

"We would all come together and make you a special Christmas dinner." Cookie finished his sentence; he pointed to a pile of presents and said "We got you some presents, too."

As the group sat down to enjoy a traditional Christmas dinner in the gym. Gordy asked out loud "Who put this altogether? Surely you all didn't just plan this as a group in one night."

Everyone else all turned to look at Ned.

"I did, Gordy." Ned said. "Nobody deserves to be alone on Christmas." Gordy became a little misty-eyed and thanked Ned. Mrs. Bigby then butted in and told Gordy that he was more than welcome to join their family for their actual Christmas Day festivities.

"It'd be my pleasure." Gordy said.

As Stewart and The Boss finished viewing Ned's past and headed back to the DeLorean, Stewart asked "Ned really is such a great kid. Why would anyone turn against him like your saying they are?"

"You are about to find out." The Boss said. "Our next stop is December 2010. You'll see when we get there what brought Ned Bigby down."


	3. Chapter 3

December 2010 – here we are at last. The plucky kids Stewart and The Boss have been observing are now onto their senior year. Ned Bigby himself is particularly excited as he usually is for the holiday season. In fact, he's more excited than usual as the school's annual holiday pageant is near. You see, every Christmas Eve the Michael Dukakis High School Drama Club puts on a holiday pageant at the school. It was quite small the first year they did it as the school was already on Christmas break but every year more and more people began to come to it. There's one thing that makes the holiday pageant stand apart though: aside from tech crew advisor Mr. Borland, the holiday pageant is completely student-run with a senior tech crew member who has worked very hard over the prior three years to deserve getting to direct the holiday pageant. Ned had been a loyal member of tech crew for all four years of high school so far, never missing the chance to do tech at any school function. To him, tech crew had become a second family. And of course, it wasn't long before he got Cookie to join tech crew and of course, when his cousin Quinn transferred from PCA to Dukakis their sophomore year, she joined tech crew immediately. Of course, this year it was without any doubt Ned's turn to direct the holiday pageant. As soon as he got the news back at the beginning November, he was ecstatic and was bent on putting together the best holiday show ever.

As Thanksgiving weekend concluded and school started up again, Ned went in for his weekly meeting with Mr. Borland for working on the pageant. They tossed around the same ideas they had been for weeks and agreed the show was coming along with good progress. As the meeting concluded, Ned packed his folders away and headed out of Mr. Borland's classroom, he stopped Ned just as he got to the door.

"Ned," Mr. Borland began, "there's probably one thing I should tell you about this year's Christmas show."

Ned sat down tepidly as Mr. Borland's face began to grow a bit dour.

"Well, Ned, it's just that you know that the past few years have been rough economically. And you know a lot of extracurricular have had to be cut. I mean, just this year we had to get rid of JV sports. And you know the drama club doesn't have too many funds coming in anymore."

"I know what you're talking about." Ned said.

"It's just that, and I hate to put this weight on your shoulders, but a lot of extracurriculars here that need the money are really depending on the money made off the Christmas pageant to get some of the funds."

"You can't be serious?" Ned asked as it was rare for Mr. Borland to be as straight and serious as he was now.

"Ned, I hate to say it… but I am. If the Christmas pageant doesn't give us a profit, there will have to be a lot of cuts. More than there have been in the past several years. It looks bleak, Ned. So please, I'll help you anyway I can but this has to be a great show."

"I'll make sure of it." Ned said as he walked out. He walked over to the other side of campus and walked to the theater. He was completely alone, almost very cryptic for him, it was the first time he was ever actually in the theater alone. He walked onto the stage and walked through the sets he and his fellow techies had been building. A chimney and fireplace, a manger, a sleigh, they were working hard. Ned sat in the sleigh and looked out at the empty theater, then looked backstage. He sighed.

"How am I going to do this?" Ned asked himself out loud.

That Friday, Ned held a meeting for actors and techies regarding the pageant in the auditorium. All the actor show veterans from all four grades and techies from all four grades were there. That just shows how much of a family these guys are that you can get four grades together and be as dedicated as you want them to be. Stewart and The Boss entered the auditorium unnoticed of course and sat all the way in the back as Ned sat on the stage talking to everybody about the production.

"… What it boils down to guys is that this show is going to have to be an asset to all the extracurricular programs. I mean, it's to the point that if this show flops, we might not have a spring musical this year. And as shocking as it is to us, we're going to have to work harder than we ever have before for a show. Day and night we're going to have to work, even if it requires pulling all-nighters."

Everyone was taken aback by this, complaints of having to do Christmas shopping, holiday parties, everything that comes with December.

"Look, guys!" Ned yelled to get everyone's attention. "We all know Christmas isn't about the material goods, it's about the –"

"Money!" A man's voice said entering the theater, everybody looked toward the entrance of the school auditorium and saw a grumpy, unhappy man in his early 60's. "That's right, I said money."

"Excuse me," Ned asked, "but who are you?"

"Henry Porter, I'm the owner of the bank that Mr. Borland gets his funds from. And we need the money to keep us alive, don't we?"

"Well, Mr. Potter, that's true but we need to put on a great show…"

"And you also have a great debt. Last I checked, Mr. Borland owes us exactly $89,727 and if that money doesn't get to us by midnight on December 25, cuts are being made, extensive extracurricular cuts. Hopefully with all those cuts we can use that money to build something **good **for this community!"

"Like what?" Ned asked.

Potter unrolled a blueprint revealing schematics for a bar. "I introduce you to Tomorrow Tavern – the bar of the future! All will come to our state-of-the-art bar to buy extorted alcoholic beverages, bringing our economy to new heights! So all I can say is that you better get your money in if you guys want your musical!" Potter walked out laughing manically. Ned was taken aback for a minute before finally going back to the Drama Club team.

"Now, come on now, guys! Do we really want something like that to happen? Do we want no spring musical but some bar like something out of _The Jetsons_?"

Silence. Cookie jumped in and added "Look at us! Thinking about ourselves and the present before thinking about our friends and the future, think of how much Ned has done for us!" Cookie stood beside his friend and said "Ned, I stand by this holiday pageant no matter how much time it takes to get it ready! You can count me in!"

"You can count me in, too!" Moze said.

"Of course you can count me in." Quinn said.

"Why wouldn't I want to be a part of this?" Javier said.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Suzie said.

Eventually other show regulars all stepped in. Nick and A.J., the wise-cracking freshmen duo who Ned befriended as soon as they started high school; Abby, the beautiful talented theater veteran; Charlie, the artist film aficionado who had almost given it all up if it hadn't been for Ned's appreciation of who he is; Samantha, the dancer with a heart of gold. All within seconds went from being against so much rehearsal time to being the heart and soul of the Christmas pageant. Ned looked at Mr. Borland, who had an ear-to-ear grin on his face.

"All right, guys! We'll show Mr. Potter! When we pull together we can do anything!" Ned announced.

Nick and A.J. high-fived Ned as they all sat together and began discussing the pageant, Stewart and the Boss, who have been observing from their seats in the back of the theater, turned to look at each other.

"Well, I don't see how this is that bad." Stewart said, "Ned has been kind to people all his life and he's gotten all these kids to bond together for a common goal. Isn't that what we all want from life?" He continued.

"Well, certainly." The Boss said. "And they did – for a while. Over the past three weeks, these guys have been working non-stop on a great Christmas pageant. They've been working ridiculously hard, at least 15 hours of rehearsal a week, all at sporadic times. And for the most part, they're doing very well." The Boss began to fast-track through the rehearsals, Stewart got to notice how patient Ned was during rehearsals. Even as a director having to work with frustrating actors, Ned never once lost his temper or raised his voice, always dropped everything to answer someone's question, got right into the show with no problems and in return, his team worked to new heights to become a huge family. Stewart looked confused at The Boss.

"Where's the conflict? All I'm seeing is Ned Bigby being a nice guy! You took me away from my canasta game for this?"

"Stewart, be patient. We'll be at earlier today, Christmas Eve in a second. _**This **_is where things begin to really unravel." The Boss said. "Trust me, you'll see why Ned is so depressed come tonight."


End file.
